"..One more fuckin' love song, I'll be sick."
Yeah.. I'm amazingly alive. I'll jump right into what's happening at school, and then branch off from there and talk about how amazingly.. not amazing my life has been.
So, I phased out of phase one like the Friday after the first of November. That was in and of itself, a terrible nightmare. Going into it, I wasn't nervous or anxious.. Not really anyway. I scored an.. 92 or a 94 on my Final, so I was pretty sure of myself going into it. I wore wide heeled short heels, and I had adjusted the insole just right so that they were extremely comfortable to wear. I also looked super cute. As long as it was professional to a degree, we could wear whatever we wanted. Within set 'guidelines' of course. You had to wear a white button up shirt, with suit pants, and anything else had to be black/white and/or red. I had on a white button up shirt, with a black lacy tank top under it, casual business suit pants, a mid-waist belt and those heels. I used a curling iron to wave my hair and had my makeup perfect. Within 30 minutes of the phase out, I had stepped funny and unaligned my insole so my feet were in a lot of pain. We had to stand nearly 9 hours straight. No, I'm not lying. We go from 8:30 in the morning to 5 in the evening. We get two ten minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch break. It actually helps when we get into phase 2 though. The first Tuesday after we started phase two the teacher, who is the biggest dick-asshole-prick-bitch I think I've ever met, was giving us the low down on how things work in his class.. dropped this bombshell that I think made me and my friend's heart self-implode. We were to go out on the floor, able to receive clients, right after lunch. I got my first client that day, and although it was just a shampoo and a straightener style, and she wanted barrel curls. I'm still not completely sure how I could have pulled that off, but apperently you can.
My next client was a dude who just relocated for physical therapy, and he wanted a electric buzzer cut. And me being my usual self, was like, "oh, I know how to do this. Easy as pie." Well, yeah, it's easy, but if you're not taught how to put your electric clippers together, things can go south fast. My freaking guard flipped off, and I didn't notice I was still buzzing his hair as I watched the guard fly off. And he had wanted his hair buzzed all to a 3, I think it was. He had a patch of 1. Imagine, you want all your hair buzzed to 3 inches, and a patch of 1 inch.. I freaked out a little on the inside and ran and got my teacher. Had I been thinking, I could have deduced a fade was still possible. But I'm still not completely sure how to do a 'fade'. I cut my grandpa's hair, and she(my grandma) wanted it to taper at his neck, and I had to stand there and think about it, but I figured out how to do it. By damn, and I did. He wanted it, if I remember correctly to like 5 or 6 inches, and I just used that one all over, and then at his neck line, I used the 1 and went down the curve of his neck to create that tapered look. Maybe it was 2... but I think it was a 1.
I also did re-cut my cousin's scalp lock. You shave the sides and back and leave the 'scalp' really long. I trimmed the long bit and then shaved his head again down to a 1. I did a damn good job too. I was all proud of myself. Them being my family, they slipped money in my pocket as I was leaving. I also trimmed my older cousin's butt length hair. His hair was SOO wiry, I'm surprised my cutting shears cut through it. I had planned on doing my two cousins, but my grandpa was like, "I don't like waiting 3 hours for my hair person to do my hair, will you cut it, Sessy?" "uh.. how do you want it cut?" "Half off and cleaned up." "O__o"
That is actually what he said. Half Off. Bah. I should have shaved one side of this head.. :p
I think I'll end this blog, it's taken me too damn long to type it out. I'll edit more, like the crap that's happened in the last month. But the library is wayy too damn warm, and I'm wayy too damn sleepy. It's like perfect, I could find a chair near the door and just seriously fall asleep. It was snowing here, and all cold outside.
35 degrees, to be exact. Hopefully the weather'll cancel school on Friday again, so I won't have to phase out, I can go to my dad's work openhouse and celebrate matsumoto hideto's birthday in appropriate fashion :D
Ending thought: *buries his head under the covers*
"My Feels! Last night my feels were happy, and then my feels were sad, and now my feels just don't want to get out of bed."
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
On the wings of a butterfly, I'll fly away from here
"Always on the outside of the circle lookin' in.."
This is painfully overdue, plus the fact that I already started this post once and just left it to die. I'll look at it in a bit to see if I actually wrote anything worth copy-pasting here.
And yes, this post does have a double title. One's a promise, the other's a statement.
I don't believe most superstitions, or truly believe them, but there are some that I make-believe like I believe. Like the one that says if you tell someone a dream, it won't come true. But that just might be because it feels better to talk about nightmares than to bottle them up. And most of the time I don't tell people my good dreams, "just in case". I have a point, bare with me. In some Japanese mythology, it states that if you get a tattoo, it's what you'll be reincarnated as. I actually read a manga where these two guys each got a wing of a butterfly tattooed on their hands, so when they held hands, it created a full butterfly. It was surprisingly enough, called something like, "wings of a butterfly" or something similar. The most ironic part was I actually dislike this manga. It's too dark and depressing and too close to reality for me. I also have a manga called Little Butterfly that has nothing to do with butterflies but I enjoy so much more... I bought the Omnibus for it, even. ANYHOO, despite Butterflies having such short life spans, if I believed in reincarnation, that's what I'd want to come back as. I'd be free, and even for a short time, be beautiful to whoever looked at me. I'd terrify my best friend, but that's beside the point. For my birthday, I asked for real butterfly wing earrings off Etsy, and they're gorgeous. I was able to get some from my favourite butterflies, a Blue Morpho. And it's from a breeder who uses wings from butterflies who die of 'natural causes'. That was kind of important to me. Anyway, I have to stick with butterfly wing earrings before I can get a real butterfly tattoo.
I think I'm also gonna change my Zantarni siggy to that image. Maybe fancy-fy it in photobucket XD
Anway, to the actual post.
So like a week before my birthday, the end of September, we had an eyelash presentation at my school and they were giving away vouchers to go to the class, she got through all the ones she was gonna do, and asked our class if we should do one more, of course we all said yes. Honestly, I wanted to go, but I knew we couldn't afford the other part of the price, so I was going back and forth in my head between wanted to go and knowing I couldn't afford it, plus the old fact that I've never actually won anything in my life. Not on luck anyway. And wouldn't you know it, she pulled my name out of her hat. I won't lie. I freaked out a little bit.
I talked to my parents about wanting to go but knowing we didn't really have the money. Well, my dad said I could go and the other part of the payment would be my 'big' birthday gift. So I was happy. It's over $200 so I feel bad that my parents are paying for it. I even had a argument with my mom over it.. But we'll see.
Other than that, I got a pair of my favourite brand of underwear, and no, I'm not telling you what brand, because you'd laugh at me. I will tell you they're Halloween themed though. I also got a pair of 'ear wings'. They're really cheap foam with a bat wing pasted on the front and wire to go around your ear. I also got the butterfly earrings that are in the above picture. And my sister got me this mini-troll thing. We bought it together and it was supposed to have black and pink hair, but it didn't. We guessed wrong and it ended up being purple.
With the birthday money I got, I bought myself a haircut(yes, I had to pay for it Xp) hair dye and bleach. My hair is dyed black and blue right now, and no, I don't look like a bruise, which is a sentiment one of my mom's friends expressed. Okay, it was black and blue, I redyed it with the same blue and it turned like.. emerald green. I actually saw a girl with almost the exact same style, cut and colour the other day. I was like, "bitch, you jacked my hair!" of course I didn't say it out loud, just kind of laughed at the irony of it.
And then we went to the McCall's. We didn't go as late in the year as we usually go, so the atmosphere was different. We stayed too long in the damn pumpkin patch though so by the time we got to the Maize maze, the big one was closed and we had like 20 minutes until we had to leave. We also got there kind of late. I did get an amazing cup of coffee and a large chunk of fudge from there, and it was amazing. It was Mint chocolate fudge. Mmmm. I also got my mom to go down the mega slide with me. So much fun :3
Then we had to leave and we got dinner at a Subway out there in Moriarty. The sandwich maker boy was cute too. He was giving us a hard time. I asked for spinach on my sammich, but "not too much" and he put like three leave on.. so I asked for more and he playfully gave me a hard time for it.
I also got a little steampunk pumpkin-headed alchemist resin figure from McCall's. I had to add him because I have him sitting on the DVDs on my desk and he's staring at me above the laptop screen ;P With his cheshire cat grin.
Anyhoo, so my Asian friend in school has moved on to the second level, and I now have a group of three female friends, and I calls us the four musketeers. I was supposed to phase out of Phase 1 to 2 but I stayed behind because i don't have the clothes we're required to wear. Plus I'm terrified of actually working on somebody.. I was supposed to phase out like two or three weeks ago but.. didn't.
Oh yeah, the girl who was supposed to be one of my best friends, yeah, she went bitch ass crazy and we're not friends anymore. Can't say I wasn't expecting it, but it still pisses me off a bit. It hurt, but I'm just moving on in life. But then a week or two ago I sat crying because I realized that I felt so alone again. Which I now believe is the stem of nearly every 'mental' problem I have.
I've also realized the real reason behind my love of books and manga. It's the only real escape from reality I get, where I truly feel in another world. I realized it right after that night happened, I started rereading the Vampire Lestat almost constantly.
Which kind of brings me to the second title of this post. My sister was telling me and my mom how Sunday all the girls in her sunday school class formed a circle and she wasn't in the circle, and how alone she felt. Well, I made the mistake of going to the store with my mom, brother and sister. I always feel so outside the circle my mom forms with my brother and sister, and that I'm just too weird for all of them. I got excited that Walmart had so many Superhero shirts, and they had a Spiderman Venom shirt and I got all excited. And my mom kind of brushed me off. And for lack of a better word, it crushed me. If my brother or sister find something that pertains to their likes, my mom reacts like she's happy that they're happy. And my mom basically went, "and?" when I was happy.
I KNOW I'm making it into a 'victim' situation. I honestly think my mom doesn't care for me as much as my brother and sister. And it really hurts. Especially when I've basically been brought up to think my opinion or feelings don't mean anything, and everytime I bring this up, my mom brushes me off and rolls her eyes. And it only reaffirms my belief that I don't matter, my abandonment issues and the truth of my lonelyness. Especially since I moved into my own room. I feel so alone. And I don't feel like I can talk to anybody about it, because it's all my problem. I just need to not play the victim. And not feel this way. Which kind of makes my self-loathing even more pronounced. Because it's all my fault.
Other than all that nice stuff, our van is getting ready to truly die(it's been spitting coolant out) but it's holding together for the time being, my dad basically said that if it dies, the only answer is either riding the bus or catching a ride from my Aunt, and that he basically refuses to take me to school. We also are getting to the point where our dishwasher needs to be replaced. And I need clothes for school. See why I kept saying we can't afford the fuckin eyelash class?
So yeah, that's really the only things that happened. We're going through proper hair washing with the 'bowls' again, we did nails and makeup(oh, and facials) in the last two weeks. I once again went too in the box for my makeup, but I'm sorry, I don't do drag makeup. That's what they want.. That outside the box.
I also signed up for a advanced class for airbrush makeup. That's already covered, pay wise. The only reason the lash class is not is because it's not actually affiliated with the school.
I really need to go though, I apparently have to wash my hair in the sink because someone thinks the sewer water is backing up into the pipes for the bathtub. Which I pray doesn't mean the drinking water is contaminated... So if I die, yeah, you know why. Hopefully it'd be when I'm wearing my butterfly wings so I can be reincarnated happily ;p
I had a funny story for my ending thought, but I don't remember it so you don't get one today, you get double title, that should be enough...
Other than Pour Me by Hollywood Undead is how I feel right now... Again.
Oh yeah, during my birthday my ex's uncle asked me to come down and I got to visit with him a little. If he contacted his uncle, his uncle didn't tell me. Which might be a blessing in disguise for me. I honestly don't think I'm ever going to see him again.
I think my harlequin smile is finally fading, the paint running from a Cheshire grin into a sobbing mask. The tears running down my eyes marr the white skin of the mask I'm forced to wear as a face. As my maniacal laughter turns to sobs.
I honestly think "he plays the fool to hide a warrior's pain" truly fits me. But maybe I'm being too dramatic. I don't mean to be. I feel like I fake the part of fully functioning adult sometimes.
I dunno. I gotta go
This is painfully overdue, plus the fact that I already started this post once and just left it to die. I'll look at it in a bit to see if I actually wrote anything worth copy-pasting here.
And yes, this post does have a double title. One's a promise, the other's a statement.
I don't believe most superstitions, or truly believe them, but there are some that I make-believe like I believe. Like the one that says if you tell someone a dream, it won't come true. But that just might be because it feels better to talk about nightmares than to bottle them up. And most of the time I don't tell people my good dreams, "just in case". I have a point, bare with me. In some Japanese mythology, it states that if you get a tattoo, it's what you'll be reincarnated as. I actually read a manga where these two guys each got a wing of a butterfly tattooed on their hands, so when they held hands, it created a full butterfly. It was surprisingly enough, called something like, "wings of a butterfly" or something similar. The most ironic part was I actually dislike this manga. It's too dark and depressing and too close to reality for me. I also have a manga called Little Butterfly that has nothing to do with butterflies but I enjoy so much more... I bought the Omnibus for it, even. ANYHOO, despite Butterflies having such short life spans, if I believed in reincarnation, that's what I'd want to come back as. I'd be free, and even for a short time, be beautiful to whoever looked at me. I'd terrify my best friend, but that's beside the point. For my birthday, I asked for real butterfly wing earrings off Etsy, and they're gorgeous. I was able to get some from my favourite butterflies, a Blue Morpho. And it's from a breeder who uses wings from butterflies who die of 'natural causes'. That was kind of important to me. Anyway, I have to stick with butterfly wing earrings before I can get a real butterfly tattoo.
I think I'm also gonna change my Zantarni siggy to that image. Maybe fancy-fy it in photobucket XD
Anway, to the actual post.
So like a week before my birthday, the end of September, we had an eyelash presentation at my school and they were giving away vouchers to go to the class, she got through all the ones she was gonna do, and asked our class if we should do one more, of course we all said yes. Honestly, I wanted to go, but I knew we couldn't afford the other part of the price, so I was going back and forth in my head between wanted to go and knowing I couldn't afford it, plus the old fact that I've never actually won anything in my life. Not on luck anyway. And wouldn't you know it, she pulled my name out of her hat. I won't lie. I freaked out a little bit.
I talked to my parents about wanting to go but knowing we didn't really have the money. Well, my dad said I could go and the other part of the payment would be my 'big' birthday gift. So I was happy. It's over $200 so I feel bad that my parents are paying for it. I even had a argument with my mom over it.. But we'll see.
Other than that, I got a pair of my favourite brand of underwear, and no, I'm not telling you what brand, because you'd laugh at me. I will tell you they're Halloween themed though. I also got a pair of 'ear wings'. They're really cheap foam with a bat wing pasted on the front and wire to go around your ear. I also got the butterfly earrings that are in the above picture. And my sister got me this mini-troll thing. We bought it together and it was supposed to have black and pink hair, but it didn't. We guessed wrong and it ended up being purple.
With the birthday money I got, I bought myself a haircut(yes, I had to pay for it Xp) hair dye and bleach. My hair is dyed black and blue right now, and no, I don't look like a bruise, which is a sentiment one of my mom's friends expressed. Okay, it was black and blue, I redyed it with the same blue and it turned like.. emerald green. I actually saw a girl with almost the exact same style, cut and colour the other day. I was like, "bitch, you jacked my hair!" of course I didn't say it out loud, just kind of laughed at the irony of it.
And then we went to the McCall's. We didn't go as late in the year as we usually go, so the atmosphere was different. We stayed too long in the damn pumpkin patch though so by the time we got to the Maize maze, the big one was closed and we had like 20 minutes until we had to leave. We also got there kind of late. I did get an amazing cup of coffee and a large chunk of fudge from there, and it was amazing. It was Mint chocolate fudge. Mmmm. I also got my mom to go down the mega slide with me. So much fun :3
Then we had to leave and we got dinner at a Subway out there in Moriarty. The sandwich maker boy was cute too. He was giving us a hard time. I asked for spinach on my sammich, but "not too much" and he put like three leave on.. so I asked for more and he playfully gave me a hard time for it.
I also got a little steampunk pumpkin-headed alchemist resin figure from McCall's. I had to add him because I have him sitting on the DVDs on my desk and he's staring at me above the laptop screen ;P With his cheshire cat grin.
Anyhoo, so my Asian friend in school has moved on to the second level, and I now have a group of three female friends, and I calls us the four musketeers. I was supposed to phase out of Phase 1 to 2 but I stayed behind because i don't have the clothes we're required to wear. Plus I'm terrified of actually working on somebody.. I was supposed to phase out like two or three weeks ago but.. didn't.
Oh yeah, the girl who was supposed to be one of my best friends, yeah, she went bitch ass crazy and we're not friends anymore. Can't say I wasn't expecting it, but it still pisses me off a bit. It hurt, but I'm just moving on in life. But then a week or two ago I sat crying because I realized that I felt so alone again. Which I now believe is the stem of nearly every 'mental' problem I have.
I've also realized the real reason behind my love of books and manga. It's the only real escape from reality I get, where I truly feel in another world. I realized it right after that night happened, I started rereading the Vampire Lestat almost constantly.
Which kind of brings me to the second title of this post. My sister was telling me and my mom how Sunday all the girls in her sunday school class formed a circle and she wasn't in the circle, and how alone she felt. Well, I made the mistake of going to the store with my mom, brother and sister. I always feel so outside the circle my mom forms with my brother and sister, and that I'm just too weird for all of them. I got excited that Walmart had so many Superhero shirts, and they had a Spiderman Venom shirt and I got all excited. And my mom kind of brushed me off. And for lack of a better word, it crushed me. If my brother or sister find something that pertains to their likes, my mom reacts like she's happy that they're happy. And my mom basically went, "and?" when I was happy.
I KNOW I'm making it into a 'victim' situation. I honestly think my mom doesn't care for me as much as my brother and sister. And it really hurts. Especially when I've basically been brought up to think my opinion or feelings don't mean anything, and everytime I bring this up, my mom brushes me off and rolls her eyes. And it only reaffirms my belief that I don't matter, my abandonment issues and the truth of my lonelyness. Especially since I moved into my own room. I feel so alone. And I don't feel like I can talk to anybody about it, because it's all my problem. I just need to not play the victim. And not feel this way. Which kind of makes my self-loathing even more pronounced. Because it's all my fault.
Other than all that nice stuff, our van is getting ready to truly die(it's been spitting coolant out) but it's holding together for the time being, my dad basically said that if it dies, the only answer is either riding the bus or catching a ride from my Aunt, and that he basically refuses to take me to school. We also are getting to the point where our dishwasher needs to be replaced. And I need clothes for school. See why I kept saying we can't afford the fuckin eyelash class?
So yeah, that's really the only things that happened. We're going through proper hair washing with the 'bowls' again, we did nails and makeup(oh, and facials) in the last two weeks. I once again went too in the box for my makeup, but I'm sorry, I don't do drag makeup. That's what they want.. That outside the box.
I also signed up for a advanced class for airbrush makeup. That's already covered, pay wise. The only reason the lash class is not is because it's not actually affiliated with the school.
I really need to go though, I apparently have to wash my hair in the sink because someone thinks the sewer water is backing up into the pipes for the bathtub. Which I pray doesn't mean the drinking water is contaminated... So if I die, yeah, you know why. Hopefully it'd be when I'm wearing my butterfly wings so I can be reincarnated happily ;p
I had a funny story for my ending thought, but I don't remember it so you don't get one today, you get double title, that should be enough...
Other than Pour Me by Hollywood Undead is how I feel right now... Again.
Oh yeah, during my birthday my ex's uncle asked me to come down and I got to visit with him a little. If he contacted his uncle, his uncle didn't tell me. Which might be a blessing in disguise for me. I honestly don't think I'm ever going to see him again.
I think my harlequin smile is finally fading, the paint running from a Cheshire grin into a sobbing mask. The tears running down my eyes marr the white skin of the mask I'm forced to wear as a face. As my maniacal laughter turns to sobs.
I honestly think "he plays the fool to hide a warrior's pain" truly fits me. But maybe I'm being too dramatic. I don't mean to be. I feel like I fake the part of fully functioning adult sometimes.
I dunno. I gotta go
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Yay! My clock actually keeps time now!
So, I said I was going to post again, this morning and, lo and behold, look who finally kept a promise.
So what we learned today, was two new hair cuts, only practiced the low graduating one, but our teacher showed us the high graduating one, and I need to look up both on youtube.
Youtube is almost a better teacher because you don't have the other stupid students to contend with.
So yeah, we also got our Jake manikin(mannequin sounds better), which is our long rocker haired dude. We didn't do much with him though, we just shampooed him and brushed it. And this evening, I was trying to darken his eyeliner - oh, and I renamed him Max. I have been calling the male mannequin 'Max' since I started, and so when I got one, I changed his name. Anyway, I was messing around and gave him a ball-point pen eyebrow piercing, so my mom says something along the lines of, "you should white out his eyes with a Gelly Roller pin." So I had an epiphany, and got really excited and was like, "DO YOU HAVE ONE?!" So my Max is now pierced, tattooed and is wearing contacts. I have a picture, I'll have to post it later though, it's on my phone and technically I'm supposed to be asleep. (the SD card connector is in the living room)
So yeah, that was my day. I've kind of found my little 'non-clique' with three women. It's just fun, we can joke around. Group-friend dynamics have always baffled me. For me, it was either one on one, or a huge group, you didn't really have a favourite, and anybody would be good to hang out with. Which is how the small group works, but we all kind of stay together, and it seems like me and two of the other girls REALLY get along, and the third is our fourth musketeer(I count myself there), but she's a total blonde air-head. Even if her roots are dark brown. She's really fun and smart though, but kind of an.. unsmart, smart.... yeah. I've just gotten along with the other two since they started. So the ages are 22, 23, 27 and 51. And we get along, I'm not sure if us younger ones are more mature, or if the older one is just that hip. Probably a little of both. Still not many boys... I'm kind of going stir crazy. Don't get me wrong, I love my female friends. Including my Zan buddies that I don't pay near enough attention to. But I'm ready for something to look at! One of the three guys attending is decently attractive, but I actually think he might be straight(he doesn't come nearly often enough for me to say anything else than that though)... and the other two are just... O_< I'm sure there's someone out there for them, but it ain't me.
Well, I really really need to go to bed. I swear I'll catch up with what has gone on. But it won't be tomorrow. Probably. Because of Elementary. I need me some Jonny Lee Miller. I can't help it. I find him attractive. Receding hairline and all :p Plus I just like the show. And it probably won't be Saturday, which I'll go into later.
Ending thought(a rewording of a similar saying): All the sense I have is uncommon.
I shall also explain the title of this post at a later date XD
So what we learned today, was two new hair cuts, only practiced the low graduating one, but our teacher showed us the high graduating one, and I need to look up both on youtube.
Youtube is almost a better teacher because you don't have the other stupid students to contend with.
So yeah, we also got our Jake manikin(mannequin sounds better), which is our long rocker haired dude. We didn't do much with him though, we just shampooed him and brushed it. And this evening, I was trying to darken his eyeliner - oh, and I renamed him Max. I have been calling the male mannequin 'Max' since I started, and so when I got one, I changed his name. Anyway, I was messing around and gave him a ball-point pen eyebrow piercing, so my mom says something along the lines of, "you should white out his eyes with a Gelly Roller pin." So I had an epiphany, and got really excited and was like, "DO YOU HAVE ONE?!" So my Max is now pierced, tattooed and is wearing contacts. I have a picture, I'll have to post it later though, it's on my phone and technically I'm supposed to be asleep. (the SD card connector is in the living room)
So yeah, that was my day. I've kind of found my little 'non-clique' with three women. It's just fun, we can joke around. Group-friend dynamics have always baffled me. For me, it was either one on one, or a huge group, you didn't really have a favourite, and anybody would be good to hang out with. Which is how the small group works, but we all kind of stay together, and it seems like me and two of the other girls REALLY get along, and the third is our fourth musketeer(I count myself there), but she's a total blonde air-head. Even if her roots are dark brown. She's really fun and smart though, but kind of an.. unsmart, smart.... yeah. I've just gotten along with the other two since they started. So the ages are 22, 23, 27 and 51. And we get along, I'm not sure if us younger ones are more mature, or if the older one is just that hip. Probably a little of both. Still not many boys... I'm kind of going stir crazy. Don't get me wrong, I love my female friends. Including my Zan buddies that I don't pay near enough attention to. But I'm ready for something to look at! One of the three guys attending is decently attractive, but I actually think he might be straight(he doesn't come nearly often enough for me to say anything else than that though)... and the other two are just... O_< I'm sure there's someone out there for them, but it ain't me.
Well, I really really need to go to bed. I swear I'll catch up with what has gone on. But it won't be tomorrow. Probably. Because of Elementary. I need me some Jonny Lee Miller. I can't help it. I find him attractive. Receding hairline and all :p Plus I just like the show. And it probably won't be Saturday, which I'll go into later.
Ending thought(a rewording of a similar saying): All the sense I have is uncommon.
I shall also explain the title of this post at a later date XD
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
If I do not succeed, I shall die trying.
So yeah. I promised I'd get online. That didn't happen. I'm depressed again. That happens fairly often. Sadly.
My confidence should not be placed so heavily on people who don't matter in the long run. But then again, that's my problem. I don't know who's going to stay and who's going to go so I love all people with the wild abandon of first love. Okay, maybe not. When I started school, I somehow instantly became the teacher's pet, with my applied theory(phase 1) teacher instantly liking me. Now, the dynamics have changed and I'm not sure why or what I did. Because it's obviously what I did.
Okay, so let's start over.
Drinking: Orange Juice (Sessy... drinking ORANGE JUICE?! Yes, I am. No, I don't particularly like it, but when we found it's a great source of potassium, my mom started buying it again.)
Eating: Fried Rice >< (I like it and it's easy to cook. What else can I say.)
I typed the first part of this with the full intention of working on my mannequin(or my mom) for.. an hour, and then getting back online, and finishing up this post. I actually scheduled my time. That is not what happened. I started working on my mom(because I was afraid I was making my mannequin go bald) doing the finger waves. Finger waves is that old 50s style that the girls in the new Great Gatsby movie had. Which are apparently coming back into fashion. Which would be fine... if I could do them. They're not difficult, I think why it's so hard is I don't have the right kind of product to make it stick together.
This is only the second time I've actually practiced something at home. The first was the fish tail braid. I've always loved that braid but I couldn't figure out how to do it. And then when my teacher liked me, she showed me how to do it.
Well, I'll publish this blog, and then I WILL update it tonight. I might stop by the library and type something out, because I feel I have a obligation to write what has happened in my life since I last blogged. Like my birthday.. So no ending quote for right now, but tonight there will be
Okay, so let's start over.
Drinking: Orange Juice (Sessy... drinking ORANGE JUICE?! Yes, I am. No, I don't particularly like it, but when we found it's a great source of potassium, my mom started buying it again.)
Eating: Fried Rice >< (I like it and it's easy to cook. What else can I say.)
I typed the first part of this with the full intention of working on my mannequin(or my mom) for.. an hour, and then getting back online, and finishing up this post. I actually scheduled my time. That is not what happened. I started working on my mom(because I was afraid I was making my mannequin go bald) doing the finger waves. Finger waves is that old 50s style that the girls in the new Great Gatsby movie had. Which are apparently coming back into fashion. Which would be fine... if I could do them. They're not difficult, I think why it's so hard is I don't have the right kind of product to make it stick together.
This is only the second time I've actually practiced something at home. The first was the fish tail braid. I've always loved that braid but I couldn't figure out how to do it. And then when my teacher liked me, she showed me how to do it.
Well, I'll publish this blog, and then I WILL update it tonight. I might stop by the library and type something out, because I feel I have a obligation to write what has happened in my life since I last blogged. Like my birthday.. So no ending quote for right now, but tonight there will be
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
All dressed up, and nowhere to go
First, I wanted to apologize to my Zan friends for not being around. Things just are hectic and my time management skills are poor at best. I'll try to post later XD
Secondly, today is my birthday. Bow to me, bitches.
(Ug, I just viewed my blog on this library computer and the resolutions fucks up my beautiful Blue Morpho Butterfly background... Damn it, I worked hard on that >:/)
Well, I was, earlier. I had a dentist appointment and I went all out with my clothing and makeup(Reason you ask? That, my dear, neither of us shall ever know) it's JUST the dentist. There aren't even men there to impress. There is one man on staff(the actual dentist) and he's old and has known me since I was like... 8.
I wore a customized corset shirt, black with red and white polka dots(I customized it with red paint, painting some of the dots. Also fitted the chest. I'm such a seamstress >:) ) a striped over half-buttoned up fitted shirt and slightly-ripped jeans(it's a nice outfit, don't judge) and my black and white striped Heartless beany hat. I also went full on with my makeup for the first time in.. weeks. I tried putting on foundation and pressed powder and the colour didn't match with my skin so I looked really weird. I washed it off and stuck with litening cream around my eyes, a little blush, my eyebrows done and eyeshadow. I went purple. Purple just seems to go with my hat.
Anyhoo, tomorrow (35 minutes from now) is my official birthday, And I have to go to school. I can't exactly call in sick. We're learning the basic hair cut. Which I need to learn X-x
This last week, we learned hair colour. I did decently. I can't seem to make my hands do what my brain always wants them too. I put highlights in my mannequin's hair. I used too high of a volume of bleach. Her hair came out too blonde for highlights. I liked it though. And we learned other chemical treatments the week before. Like relaxers, and perms. And the history of hair and makeup from the 'supposed' ice age.
I could tell you about my friend being bullied, and how the girls who did it are now expelled and will be fined upwards of $5000, but I was just informed that I'm going to be tired in the morning. I told my mom I KNOW. I don't do well during the week for what ever reason. I'll have to get on when I get up and type some more..
Well, that's not what happened. I ended up getting up quite a bit later than I had intended.
I'm at the library, typing this.. on my birthday. Amazingly, there's actually a girl in my class with the same birthday as me. Only she's just turned 19. We were talking about ages in class, and one girl randomly asked from across the class room how old I was. When I told her I was 23, she yelled, "shut the front door!" (we're not allowed to curse) and was like, totally amazed at how old I was. But the other girl whose birthday was today made a huge batch of awesome chocolate cupcakes and shared them with the class and some of the other students. She also had a tiara(how old is she supposed to be again?) so everybody was lavishing attention on her. I could go Clue movie quote here, ".... but i didn't care, I wasn't jealous..."
But to some degree it would be a lie. Her sister showed up with MORE cupcakes and a vase, and her friend in class left balloons and a small gift for her. Half the girls didn't even realize it was my birthday even AFTER the regional director made the whole school sing to me. Because she had the stupid tiara on was the only reason she knew it was her birthday. I was all waving my arms to get the director's attention and she was like, "it's your birthday too?!" (my friend, even though she moved on to the next phase, didn't even show to hang out.. made Sheshy sad..
Then again, I did get a nice piano-lead happy birthday at church on Sunday with a nice flourish at the end. Anyway, we studied the actual hair cutting thing today. I'm not bad, but I seem to be so slow at everything. It's partially because I just learned it, but it's also because I'm a perfectionist and like things to be precise. And correct. I told my teacher how I felt about it and she said to not worry, that some of the girls take short cuts, or do it too fast and wrong for the sake of getting over with it. But today I was still working wayy past the other girls, into our cleaning time. I didn't get out of the building until like 5:20. Which is very late, considering they want you out at 5 if you're not working late with clients. Anyway, yeah, I could rant on, but I think it should end.
Ending thought: "Those who say it cannot be done, should stop interrupting those doing it."
(Slightly random one, I wanted to use a lyrics from Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus. I love it and it fits perfectly as to how I feel as of late. I just didn't. Using lyrics sometimes feels not as personable. Not that "generic" quotes are really much better :p)
Eating: Light Boston Cream Pie Yoplait Yogurt(when I started writing this post)
Drinking: Water (my kidneys were kicking me something awful since I haven't drank any water today)
Secondly, today is my birthday. Bow to me, bitches.
(Ug, I just viewed my blog on this library computer and the resolutions fucks up my beautiful Blue Morpho Butterfly background... Damn it, I worked hard on that >:/)
Well, I was, earlier. I had a dentist appointment and I went all out with my clothing and makeup(Reason you ask? That, my dear, neither of us shall ever know) it's JUST the dentist. There aren't even men there to impress. There is one man on staff(the actual dentist) and he's old and has known me since I was like... 8.
I wore a customized corset shirt, black with red and white polka dots(I customized it with red paint, painting some of the dots. Also fitted the chest. I'm such a seamstress >:) ) a striped over half-buttoned up fitted shirt and slightly-ripped jeans(it's a nice outfit, don't judge) and my black and white striped Heartless beany hat. I also went full on with my makeup for the first time in.. weeks. I tried putting on foundation and pressed powder and the colour didn't match with my skin so I looked really weird. I washed it off and stuck with litening cream around my eyes, a little blush, my eyebrows done and eyeshadow. I went purple. Purple just seems to go with my hat.
Anyhoo, tomorrow (35 minutes from now) is my official birthday, And I have to go to school. I can't exactly call in sick. We're learning the basic hair cut. Which I need to learn X-x
This last week, we learned hair colour. I did decently. I can't seem to make my hands do what my brain always wants them too. I put highlights in my mannequin's hair. I used too high of a volume of bleach. Her hair came out too blonde for highlights. I liked it though. And we learned other chemical treatments the week before. Like relaxers, and perms. And the history of hair and makeup from the 'supposed' ice age.
I could tell you about my friend being bullied, and how the girls who did it are now expelled and will be fined upwards of $5000, but I was just informed that I'm going to be tired in the morning. I told my mom I KNOW. I don't do well during the week for what ever reason. I'll have to get on when I get up and type some more..
Well, that's not what happened. I ended up getting up quite a bit later than I had intended.
I'm at the library, typing this.. on my birthday. Amazingly, there's actually a girl in my class with the same birthday as me. Only she's just turned 19. We were talking about ages in class, and one girl randomly asked from across the class room how old I was. When I told her I was 23, she yelled, "shut the front door!" (we're not allowed to curse) and was like, totally amazed at how old I was. But the other girl whose birthday was today made a huge batch of awesome chocolate cupcakes and shared them with the class and some of the other students. She also had a tiara(how old is she supposed to be again?) so everybody was lavishing attention on her. I could go Clue movie quote here, ".... but i didn't care, I wasn't jealous..."
But to some degree it would be a lie. Her sister showed up with MORE cupcakes and a vase, and her friend in class left balloons and a small gift for her. Half the girls didn't even realize it was my birthday even AFTER the regional director made the whole school sing to me. Because she had the stupid tiara on was the only reason she knew it was her birthday. I was all waving my arms to get the director's attention and she was like, "it's your birthday too?!" (my friend, even though she moved on to the next phase, didn't even show to hang out.. made Sheshy sad..
Then again, I did get a nice piano-lead happy birthday at church on Sunday with a nice flourish at the end. Anyway, we studied the actual hair cutting thing today. I'm not bad, but I seem to be so slow at everything. It's partially because I just learned it, but it's also because I'm a perfectionist and like things to be precise. And correct. I told my teacher how I felt about it and she said to not worry, that some of the girls take short cuts, or do it too fast and wrong for the sake of getting over with it. But today I was still working wayy past the other girls, into our cleaning time. I didn't get out of the building until like 5:20. Which is very late, considering they want you out at 5 if you're not working late with clients. Anyway, yeah, I could rant on, but I think it should end.
Ending thought: "Those who say it cannot be done, should stop interrupting those doing it."
(Slightly random one, I wanted to use a lyrics from Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus. I love it and it fits perfectly as to how I feel as of late. I just didn't. Using lyrics sometimes feels not as personable. Not that "generic" quotes are really much better :p)
Eating: Light Boston Cream Pie Yoplait Yogurt(when I started writing this post)
Drinking: Water (my kidneys were kicking me something awful since I haven't drank any water today)
Monday, September 30, 2013
"You used to come away easy, now it's like seeing the pope."
Lunch: Mac and Cheese
Eating now: Orange Spice Banana Bread I made about a little while ago.
The reason I have not posted in awhile can either be squared away as Sessy either being lazy and doing other things, like GPX or Dragcave(or Neopets. Those paintbrushes are EXPENSIVE), while the other, much more noble one, Sessy staying up too late doing homework to get online.
Needless to say, it honestly could go either way.
There was a day this last week where I was so tired that I didn't even start up the computer, just ate and went to bed.
I'm going to change the subject, but since this is a big reason I took the time to sit and write a post, you can't be mad. Not that you would be.. RIGHT?!. :D
Usually it takes well into October for it to officially start feeling like Autumn, or Fall.
Today it actually felt like Fall. The smells of Fall, things like Nutmeg, Cinnamon and Pumpkin filled our home and brought the beautifully nostalgic feeling of warmth and for me, happiness, laced with a undertone of slight sadness. I have always enjoyed Autumn, it is not only the season I was born in, but I love the coldness, the nip in the air. Fall is also when McAll's Pumpkin Patch is open. It's a literal pumpkin patch, where you can go pick your own pumpkin and, for a fee, take it home with you. They also have a small gift shop and a few other attractions. They also, for about a week in late October, have Halloween themed activities. They have a haunted Hayride, a haunted Maize Maze and a couple of 'scare houses'. We've only gone twice to the haunted attractions. I rode the Haunted Hayride with my mom, and I went into one of the scare houses that actually disturbed me quite a bit. The premise of it was we were cattle, about to be slaughtered. Except there was a part where there was a table and refrigerator set up with fake human body parts scattered around, so it wasn't so much that it was an undertone of we were cattle, it was more that we were humans in some crazy cannibal's barn. Not that there's a sane cannibal. Anyway, we were also there one night, pretty late because my brother wanted to go through one of the Halloween attractions, and I didn't, and my sister was too young at the time, by my parents reckoning. So me, my sister and dad all sat in their cafe area that was a big converted barn with a stage, and they were playing typical Halloween music over the PA system. That is one of the places I heard Thriller all the way through. That is one of the things I remember most about that day. Vincent Price's very recognizable voice laughing at the pure absurdness of our frightened psyche as we imagine people turning into werewolves all around us and zombies coming out of the ground to chase us.
Growing up, I also was almost afraid of coming out and listening to Michael Jackson where my mom would know. For fear of being reprimanded by my mother, because she didn't like him, just for the fact that he was black. It was only a little bit later in life that I found out my mother, like myself, had a slight crush on him from his early days as a soloist. Like in Just Beat It. That was the first MJ song I ever heard. First video too. At that point, I was used to seeing the white Michael Jackson and all the scandals swirling about him.
Another reason it's so nostalgic, because I met my now ex on a cold Autumn day.
Since then, I seemingly always go to the outfit I was wearing when I met him because it's warm, on the first or second day of Autumn. It's a pair of baggy but slim-waist fuzzy gray sweat type pants that are extra long and a fitted long sleeved Jack Skellington shirt. The whole date was last minute, my friend calling me, and asking if I'd be willing to go on a double date. I said sure, and just went as I was. My blind date was dressed in a nice leather jacket and there I was in pajama-like sweat pants. After awhile he told me he was glad that he didn't feel he had to keep up a front and shed his leather. Things after that were kind of history. And he also left on a cold night. But that is not here or there. Not many blind dates(and a double date at that) turn out well. Many of my friends would ask if I was with the same "blind date guy" every single time they saw me.
It's been days since I even looked at this, I got busy before I could finish it. So, I'll just end it there, a big ol' cliffhanger of sorts.
Ending Thought: "Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got."
The ending thought was from one of those "take what you need" papers with the flaps with things written on the front. I was looking at them after school when I ran up to get my leftovers out of the school fridge.
Acceptance had this written on the back, and it instantly kind of hit me deeply.
Eating now: Orange Spice Banana Bread I made about a little while ago.
The reason I have not posted in awhile can either be squared away as Sessy either being lazy and doing other things, like GPX or Dragcave(or Neopets. Those paintbrushes are EXPENSIVE), while the other, much more noble one, Sessy staying up too late doing homework to get online.
Needless to say, it honestly could go either way.
There was a day this last week where I was so tired that I didn't even start up the computer, just ate and went to bed.
I'm going to change the subject, but since this is a big reason I took the time to sit and write a post, you can't be mad. Not that you would be.. RIGHT?!. :D
Usually it takes well into October for it to officially start feeling like Autumn, or Fall.
Today it actually felt like Fall. The smells of Fall, things like Nutmeg, Cinnamon and Pumpkin filled our home and brought the beautifully nostalgic feeling of warmth and for me, happiness, laced with a undertone of slight sadness. I have always enjoyed Autumn, it is not only the season I was born in, but I love the coldness, the nip in the air. Fall is also when McAll's Pumpkin Patch is open. It's a literal pumpkin patch, where you can go pick your own pumpkin and, for a fee, take it home with you. They also have a small gift shop and a few other attractions. They also, for about a week in late October, have Halloween themed activities. They have a haunted Hayride, a haunted Maize Maze and a couple of 'scare houses'. We've only gone twice to the haunted attractions. I rode the Haunted Hayride with my mom, and I went into one of the scare houses that actually disturbed me quite a bit. The premise of it was we were cattle, about to be slaughtered. Except there was a part where there was a table and refrigerator set up with fake human body parts scattered around, so it wasn't so much that it was an undertone of we were cattle, it was more that we were humans in some crazy cannibal's barn. Not that there's a sane cannibal. Anyway, we were also there one night, pretty late because my brother wanted to go through one of the Halloween attractions, and I didn't, and my sister was too young at the time, by my parents reckoning. So me, my sister and dad all sat in their cafe area that was a big converted barn with a stage, and they were playing typical Halloween music over the PA system. That is one of the places I heard Thriller all the way through. That is one of the things I remember most about that day. Vincent Price's very recognizable voice laughing at the pure absurdness of our frightened psyche as we imagine people turning into werewolves all around us and zombies coming out of the ground to chase us.
Growing up, I also was almost afraid of coming out and listening to Michael Jackson where my mom would know. For fear of being reprimanded by my mother, because she didn't like him, just for the fact that he was black. It was only a little bit later in life that I found out my mother, like myself, had a slight crush on him from his early days as a soloist. Like in Just Beat It. That was the first MJ song I ever heard. First video too. At that point, I was used to seeing the white Michael Jackson and all the scandals swirling about him.
Another reason it's so nostalgic, because I met my now ex on a cold Autumn day.
Since then, I seemingly always go to the outfit I was wearing when I met him because it's warm, on the first or second day of Autumn. It's a pair of baggy but slim-waist fuzzy gray sweat type pants that are extra long and a fitted long sleeved Jack Skellington shirt. The whole date was last minute, my friend calling me, and asking if I'd be willing to go on a double date. I said sure, and just went as I was. My blind date was dressed in a nice leather jacket and there I was in pajama-like sweat pants. After awhile he told me he was glad that he didn't feel he had to keep up a front and shed his leather. Things after that were kind of history. And he also left on a cold night. But that is not here or there. Not many blind dates(and a double date at that) turn out well. Many of my friends would ask if I was with the same "blind date guy" every single time they saw me.
It's been days since I even looked at this, I got busy before I could finish it. So, I'll just end it there, a big ol' cliffhanger of sorts.
Ending Thought: "Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got."
The ending thought was from one of those "take what you need" papers with the flaps with things written on the front. I was looking at them after school when I ran up to get my leftovers out of the school fridge.
Acceptance had this written on the back, and it instantly kind of hit me deeply.
Monday, September 23, 2013
"I was distracted.. by catboys. Yes. By catboys!!" *shifty eyes*
Well, today marks the 4 day point I've been in school. In the four days I've been in school, I've taken three tests already. I failed one today. I know this is with everything, but you fucking study chapter after and in the end NOTHING you studied was on the test. They added a trick question that NONE of the other students got though, nobody got 100% on their test.
Anyhoo, we then went to work doing acrylics and nail tips on each other. I don't like doing acrylics, I don't like getting them done. I suck at nails! I seem to have bonded with this short, older Philipino lady...She has an accent so my name always comes out 'sexy' instead of Sessy. Or Secksy. All the girls laugh every time she calls my name.
I meant to add more to this, but it's been so long since this update would have been current, I've decided to leave it be and move on.
Anyhoo, we then went to work doing acrylics and nail tips on each other. I don't like doing acrylics, I don't like getting them done. I suck at nails! I seem to have bonded with this short, older Philipino lady...She has an accent so my name always comes out 'sexy' instead of Sessy. Or Secksy. All the girls laugh every time she calls my name.
I meant to add more to this, but it's been so long since this update would have been current, I've decided to leave it be and move on.
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